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Their sexualities were not the only aspects of themselves they couldn’t quite reconcile with the rest of their lives.Through working with these people, seeing their complexities, accepting them as they were—often as no one else ever even had the privilege of witnessing them— and hearing their confessions of being different in one way or another, I came to see the world differently.
Along with kinks they’d never disclosed to their closest friends or wives, clients often shared other secrets with me.
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As Dan Savage once described on his podcast, about half of people who are into spanking will say, “I was spanked as a child, so that’s why it turns me on to be spanked.” The other half say, “I was never spanked when I was a child, so subconsciously I always craved that kind of attention and now I’m aroused by spanking.” Sexuality is manifested in so many ways, probably as many as there are different personalities.
My theory is that for some people, specific moments trigger specific kinks.I had clients who were completely sexually satisfied by things most people wouldn’t regard as sexual at all.For some, having a tooth pulled, mopping the floor, or watching a girl wiggle her toes while she’s wearing jeans over tights are highly erotic activities.Sex lies in the eyes (or mouth, or feet, or what have you) of the beholder. A typical submissive man I’m often nudged to confirm the stereotype of the dungeon client as a high-powered executive, a controlling breadwinner who comes to a dominatrix because it is his only release from the stress of his daily alpha role. Successful businessmen do make up a good portion of dungeon clientele, but that’s probably a result of the price of entry.However, I never had a typical client demographic that otherwise differed much from that of the greater New York City male population (I rarely had female clients, which is another can of worms).Usually, if we had a caller who wasn’t sure about who he wanted to see, I’d ask if he had a preference for a certain type of woman. ” “Physically, or otherwise—a certain look, demeanor, or style, perhaps? It has to start with something unique, something that they already possessed.