Dating sober addict
Dating sober addict
Everything I had ever known was negated.” She outlines some components of her dating plan. I don’t operate in that way—in friendship or business. This is the way I roll, why would I pretend I’m another way? They usually stick around.”One of the things she mentions is that sober dating helps her not get overwhelmed, whether it’s by too much information, chemistry, mood, or whatever.
The question is, are you the kind of guy who sees a swimming pool and rips off his clothes, runs to the pool, and dives in—and mid-dive realizes there’s no water in the pool?Aren’t you tired of hitting your head against the concrete in the pool?Why don’t you look and see if there’s water in the pool before diving in?I find the “bad apples” somehow apropos and ponder the symbolism of this biblically forbidden fruit.Is it a coincidence that the Apple computer, with its rainbow-striped logo unapologetically bitten into, shares at least one thing in common with addiction—that they both are considered “closed systems”?You have to look at it and that can’t be processed in one day.
Going on a date Saturday night and then making a date to go out Monday doesn’t really give me time to process that.
(Before) when I went on a date, the sex part was already there; the relationship fantasy was already there; it was just about consummating it.
That got me into relationships I shouldn’t have been in in the first place. Whether for coffee, or a meal, or a movie—that’s just what it is. It’s getting to know the other person before even contemplating the idea of physical intimacy, and that was very new to me.”Andy defines being sober in this way: “Being monogamous, being honest, being caring.
(Take what you like and leave the rest for someone who’s tired of hitting their head and heart against the wall.) Jen“Sober dating is really slow,” says Jen.
This is her second round of sober dating, after taking time off for a relationship that ultimately didn’t work out.
She’s been in SLAA for about six years and has worked the steps, and comes across as a slightly-reformed badass with attractive flourishes of courageous vulnerability.