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Like many relationships, the answer is a little complicated.One of the reasons it’s so hard to determine the best time in a relationship to have sex is because there haven’t been a ton of studies that address that specific question.
Why this is bullshit: We’re not being authentic—which I never think is a great way to start a relationship, even a casual one.
Plus, the studies have been conducted on very specific samples: married heterosexual couples and college-aged men and women.
Few studies have taken a look at the health of a relationship as it relates to when the couple first had sex. Back in the early 2000s, Illinois State University communications professor Sandra Metts did a study to find out if having an emotional connection — in particular saying “I love you” before having sex — could have a positive impact on the trajectory of the relationship.
Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist from California, agreed that being on the same page emotionally is helpful for finding the best time to start having sex.
“The most important thing is you both agree not to push,” he said.
In 2010, Dean Busby, the director of the school of family life at Brigham Young University, did a study which suggested that the longer you delay sex — especially if you wait until marriage — the more stable and satisfying your relationship will be.
To be fair, Brigham Young University, which funded Busby's research, is owned by the Church of Latter-day Saints, and they have some thoughts when it comes to sex and marriage.
Why we think it’s important: we don’t want to look desperate or appear that we’re actually into someone.
I mean, God forbid, let’s not reveal any feelings we may have.
“I think that's probably the point at which [Mett's study] said, the couples who waited until that level fared a lot better than people who had sex on the first, second, or third date.” Goldsmith disagrees.
He thinks the time after the honeymoon period, or the time before a couple has children, is too late.
So we meet someone we like, we exchange numbers and the games begin!