CP: Growing up with hippie siblings, I learned a lot from listening to them talk.
How did you become so comfortable with speaking openly and humorously about sex?There’s this idea that once you hit 18, you’re an adult and you’re supposed to know all this stuff about sex, so a lot of people are afraid to ask about it or talk about it.How does hookup culture influence sexual relationships in college? Everyone thinks everyone else is having great sex, and everyone feels pressure to hook up because that’s what is expected. I know there are women who feel the need to say, “I’m empowered, I can hook up just as much as guys can,” and they can, but that’s not necessarily satisfying for anyone.And I’ve had women come up to me and say that they can’t have an orgasm with any of the toys they’ve bought and they can’t have an orgasm with their partner.Many assume they are incapable of having orgasms or need to try something new and crazier, like swinging from a trapeze to get off.There was one time, I had talked to a fraternity one day, and I went to a sorority the next.
A woman pulled me aside and told me that her boyfriend had heard me speak the day before, woke her up in the middle of the night and told her that he didn’t know how to make sure she was getting pleasured, but he understood now and they could work on it together. CP: Chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, HPV — they’re still rolling.I’m all for empowerment, but when I ask them if they’re actually getting pleasure from their hookups, they get quiet really fast.When people pull me aside to talk about hookups, I rarely hear about fulfilling experiences.I’ve asked groups of guys, “How long does it take the average woman to have an orgasm?” and out of a dozen guys, one raised his hand and said, “20 minutes, and I’d just like to point out that I’m the only gay guy here and I’m the only one who knew the answer.” But the thing is, straight guys do want to know this information but are afraid to ask.People need to practice social courage so that lubricant isn’t so necessary.